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It's funny...

I used to think I was busy. I totally did not understand or appreciate what that really means. I now laugh at my former self.

But all I really want is more time to be able to catch up on reading my Java book. And to do more Java tutorials.

The other thing I've realised over the past month - what's changed between last time I was in school and this time is that I no longer blindly assume that authority figures (my professors) are always correct and reasonable. It's an interesting change in dynamic.

Previously it was "anything assigned is completely fair and justified, and I should scramble to do it the way they've assigned because they know best, and if I don't do well, it's my fault." Now it's, "okay, you didn't teach us that, therefore if it doesn't look attractive or it's not exactly what you meant I DO NOT CARE. I will not take responsibility for things you didn't set expectations for, and I will not feel bad if my work isn't up to your standard *because you didn't provide the tools for success.*"

So that's a thing. I think this arises from my workplace due to the number of times we've had discussions about expectations and accountability, and basically it's reset in my brain what it means to be reasonable. I think it's actually reset it to be a more healthy expectation. That plus the "don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good" lesson my last boss tried to instill in me are probably together making me a more capable student than I ever was before. Now I go with, "hey, if I didn't understand it perfectly because you didn't really go over it and the textbook didn't help, it's bloody well getting handed in anyhow, and I made a reasonable effort and we're moving the hell on now."

Hopefully when getting assignments handed back, I'll actually get constructive feedback that will help me for next time. If not, I will go down a different path. This is particularly relevant in Java, where seriously if I do not read the text ahead of time to use as an actual base of knowledge, our professor seems incapable of coherently explaining things.

Also, going through classes with a small cohort of folks in the same program is really neat. Of 20 of us in CS, I know about 8 - 10 folks reasonably well now, and we joke and do a study group together, and it's a really good, supportive thing. I'm much appreciative of this.

I wonder how I'll look at things next year, when I'm more acclimated to school again. Things still feel very new now. I don't think I'm on a path to get all As or anything, but I do think I'm likely on a path to get Bs, and that's also fine.

Every time stuff like this comes up, I think it illustrates to me that I've got more mental well-being/stability than I used to, where I couldn't deal with not doing well. It was basically perfection or failure.

If it turns out I get assignments back and I'm doing poorly, I'll re-asses. Until then, I'm going to do what's reasonable and balanced, and go from there.


This entry was originally posted at http://sandrylene.dreamwidth.org/9211.html. Feel free to comment here or go there and comment at http://sandrylene.dreamwidth.org/9211.html?mode=reply.

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